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Prophet Muhammad as a husband


Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) as a husband

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

« The best of you are those who are best to their family. And I am the best of you to his family»

[related by At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) gave us the most beautiful model of a harmonious marital life. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was truly a perfect husband to his wives and the best person to his family. But why would this not be the case when he (peace be upon him) made the criterion to decide if a man is good or not to be how he deals with his wives. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

«The best of you are those who are best to their family, an I am the best of you to his family»

[related by At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) dealt with them in a lovely way, always smiling, talking and dealing with them fondly, being gentle with them, and employing all types of good manners when dealing with them: being loving, merciful, faithful and other qualities that should be present in all aspects of marital life. Below are some of the good qualities the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) displayed with his wives:

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) loved his wives

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

«Of worldly pleasures, women and perfume have been made dear to me, and prayer has been made the comfort of my eyes»

[related by An-Nisa’i].

Umar ibn Al-As (may Allah be pleased with him) asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him),

«‘Who is the one you love the most?’

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) answered frankly and clearly, saying,

‘Aisha.’ Umar then asked, ‘And from the men?’ The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) replied, ‘Her father’»

[related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said,

but the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) would call them to join me and play with me>

[related by Al-Bukhari].

The Messenger of Allah’s gentleness with his wives

An example of his gentleness and good companionship is that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) sometimes had a bath with his wife in the same tub. The wife would say to him

«‘Leave [some water] for me’ and he (peace be upon him) would say, ‘Leave [some water] for me’»

[related by Muslim].

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that once the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was travelling and a young boy called Anjasha was singing in order to drive the camels [which were carrying the women]. Therefore, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

«Drive the camels gently, Oh Anjasha. They are carrying glass vessels»

[related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Imam An-Nawawi said, "This means that he ordered him to be gentle with them (the women),’ that is, be as gentle as if they were glass vessels. The scholars said, ‘The women were called glass vessels due to them being easily exhausted. They were described as glass vessels to illustrate their weakness and how they could easily be broken’"

[Imam An-Nawawi’s explanation of Muslim].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to help his wives with chores they were not able to perform

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported for us the story of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) with one of his wives (Safiyah) when she was trying to mount her ride. Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) said,

«I saw the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) making a type of cushion with a cloak behind him (on his camel)

and then he sat next to the camel and let Safiyah place her feet on his knee to mount the camel»

[related by Al-Bukhari].

What ideas have you learnt from the Messenger of Allah’s biography that can improve your relationship with your wife and make you have a good life?

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was particular in keeping himself clean and in beautifying himself

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) was asked,

"What did the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) first do when he entered his house?" She replied, "Use a toothstick"

[related by Muslim].

Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) said,

"The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) had a mixture of musks

which he used to perfume himself with"

[related by Abu Dawood].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said loving phrases to his wives and used to choose the best names for them

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to say loving phrases to his wives. For example, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) called Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), saying

«Oh Aisha, this was Gibrael who [had just come and] was sending you greetings of peace»

[related by Al-Bukhari].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was considerate of his wives’ feelings and took the other wives’ feelings into consideration

Um Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported,

«She brought food on one of her dishes for the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and his Companions. Then Aisha came, wrapped up in a garment, with a small stone

and broke the dish. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) gathered the broken pieces of the dish and said, ‘Eat, your mother became jealous,’ twice. Then the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) took Aisha’s dish and sent it to Um Salamah, and he gave Um Salamah’s dish to Aisha»

[related by An-Nisa’i].

What would you reply to those who consider polygamy in Islam as a form of oppression against women, referring to the injustice which women experience these days?

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was just between his wives

Aisha, the wife of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), said,

‘Oh Allah, this is my division with regards to what I own and have control over, so do not blame me concerning what You own and I do not have control over’>

(meaning his heart)

[related by Al-Hakim].

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said,

«I used to drink from a cup when I had my menstrual period, and the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) would then take the cup, put his mouth on the same spot from which I had drunken and drink from it. And I used to bite off the meat left on the bones

when I had my menstrual period and the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) would then take the bone and put his mouth on the same spot from which I had just bitten»

[related by An-Nasa’i].

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) also said,

«The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to sew his own clothes, mend his shoes and do the normal chores that men do in their houses»

[The collection of authentic hadiths].

Taking the different circumstances of his wives into consideration, and being gentle and patient with them

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported these traits of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), describing how the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to lie and sleep on her lap when she had a menstrual period, saying,

«The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to lie on my lap and read the Quran when I had my menstrual period,»

[related by Al-Bukhari].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to help his wives in performing household chores

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) was asked,

«What did the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) do in his house?" She replied, "The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to serve his family and help his family’s servants, but when the time of prayer came, he used to leave to pray»

[related by Al-Bukhari].

That is, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to look after his own affairs in order to reduce the work for his wives thinking that it would be difficult for them to look after his affairs as well as the house. But as soon as it was the time for prayer, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) would leave to pray.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) allocated his time, giving each wife her right with regards to how long he stayed with her at a time when women had no rights. What is the proof that supports this fact?

Hakeem ibn Mawiyah Al-Qasheeri reported a hadith of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) from his father which states,

«I said, ‘Oh Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), what rights do our wives have on us?’ The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) replied, ‘That you feed her when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not hit her on her face, and do not rebuke her or separate from her except inside [your] house’»

[related by Abu Dawood].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) did not harm his wives by hitting or being rough to them

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) did not harm any of his wives or hit any of them. Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said concerning this,

«The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) never hit anyone with his hand; he never hit any women or servant, but he fought in Allah’s cause. And the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) never took revenge upon anyone for the wrong done to him, but he exacted retribution for the sake of Allah when Allah’s limits were violated»

[related by Muslim].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) ordered his followers to be good to women. Even if a woman disobeyed her husband, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) specified the limits, conditions and restrictions of any type of disciplinary measures the husband may take if he was forced to discipline her. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

«Remember Allah (and fear His punishment) regarding women. Truly, you have taken them as a trust from Allah, and intercourse has been made permissible by the word of Allah. Your rights over them are that they do not let anyone in the house who you dislike. If they do so, then you may strike them without causing pain»

That is, do not break their bones, make them bleed or leave any bruise on them

[related by Muslim].

Explain the Messenger of Allah’s saying,

«Treat women well. They are created from a curved rib and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion. If you try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain curved [as it is]»

[related by Al-Bukhari].

What have you learnt about the Messenger of Allah’s relationships with his wives?

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to console his wives and wipe the tears from their eyes

It has been reported about Safiyah that,

«She was travelling with the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and it was her turn for the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) to stay with her, but she was delayed on the way [to him]. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) met her when she was crying. She said, ‘You gave me a slow camel.’ The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) wiped her eyes with his hands and calmed here»

[related by An-Nisa’i].

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) raced with his wives and played with them

One such example of this is when he lost a race to his wife Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) when she was still young. Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported, «The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to the people,

‘Go ahead of us.’ Therefore, they went ahead of us and then the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to me (Aisha), ‘Let’s have a race.’ We raced together and I won. We did not race each other again until I had put on weight. And I had forgotten the earlier race [at that trime]. I went out with the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) on a journey and he said to the people, ‘Go ahead of us.’ Therefore they went ahead of us. Then the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to me, ‘Let’s have a race.’ We raced together and he won. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) laughed and said, ‘This is in reply to the earlier [defeat]’»

[related by Ahmed].

Do you know any person who deals with his wife better than this? Explain this comparison referring to what you have seen in your life

The Messenger of Allah’s loyality to his wives

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was naturally loyal and he was the most loyal of people to his wife Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her). He used to like to remember her and used to praise her…when the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) kept remembering Khadijah, Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) became jealous and said,

"Allah exchanged her with one which is better than her"

At that point, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) started to defend Khadijah, counting her good deeds and virtues, which indicates how loyal he was towards her, how he kept remembering her and how well she treated him. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

«Allah did not exchange her for one better than her; she believed in me when the people disbelieved me, she accepted what I said when the people belied me, she helped me with her wealth when the people kept their wealth from me and did not help me, and Allah gave me children from her but He has not given me any children from other women [at that time]»

[related by Ahmed].

Due to his loyality to his wife Khadijah, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to be generous to her friends; he used to buy a sheep, slaughter it and then say,

 

[The collection of authentic hadiths].

Is there any contradiction between the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) being loyal to Khadijah during her life and after she died with being loyal to his other wives?

How can you take the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) as an example to follow?

1.

Deal with your wife well, acting on the Messenger of Allah’s advice

«The best of you are those who are the best to his family…»

[related by At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah].

2. Play, laugh, be supportive and gentle, serve your wife, and be very polite with her, as this is the example of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him).

3. Beware of giving your wife more than she can bear. In fact, treat her with respect and make her happy, as the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to do with his wives.

4. Set aside some of your time for your wife to sit and talk with her, and try to entertain her by going out for a walk together or by talking to her nicely, as the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to do with his wives.

5. Be with your wife as you would like her to be with you…consider her feelings, understand what she needs, be loyal, merciful and compassionate to her, and perfume yourself and dress up for her. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was in the habit of doing this for his wives.

6. Beware of hitting her face or insulting her, and remember,

"The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) never hit any of his women or servants with his hand"

[related by Ahmed].